when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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