i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
