I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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