I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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