i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
