Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
