he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
