you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
