One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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