don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's like heaven, but drunker
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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