He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
