and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I would fuck him just for his dog
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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