It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
