Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
