If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
