I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
