so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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