So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
