Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
