I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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