o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
