I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
