i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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