I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
