See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
