My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
