Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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