i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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