"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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