Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
