11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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