Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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