2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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