he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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