I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
