I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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