a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
