I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
