so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
