I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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