in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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