dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
