He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
