I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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