did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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