He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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