I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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