the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
