i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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