Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize