3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
