Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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