he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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