Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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