I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
