you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
