I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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