drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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