Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
