I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
