OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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