I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
