Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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