So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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